Tag Archives: Love

Every Fleeting thought transpired like the blink of an eye when I conjured up a thought of each guy.

Each guy, I so happen to believe there was a chance of something, but
It was just an itch, or should I say their eyes of lust were captured seeing my bold black skin

Every encounter I had with a man who had lustful eyes for me as a potential for more

It was a constant reminder that I deserved more than what I endured and put myself through

As I heard each word come from their mouths, I felt each blow of pain behind each story they told me.

I could feel the loneliness that dwelt in their eyes, for the spark of sunlight had vanished and turned into smoke as time passed.

I could feel the anger ebb from their soul because each word from an ex made their fists clench and their pupils widen.

I could see how time passed by more for them than me because of age, but also because they've endured through several trials and tribulations.

I start to question how much time will pass for me.

Will I receive temptations to be deceived into lustful eyes of men, or have I already fallen prey to it?

I don't want to be tempted by the men I've encountered.

I want to continue to wish for sparkly romance, the spark of happiness you feel in your stomach and heart once you realize your crush likes you back. 

The way you feel when you kick your feet in the air when they say something that makes your heart flutter

The spark of just realizing they consider and think of you just as much as you do for them.

I just want to know how much I have to endure because I see through the eyes of some men who couldn't anymore and gave up

I still want to fight for love and be patient on this journey of finding the one.
 

The eyes of some men only desire my flesh. Their minds are tailored to one objective, and that is my body.
I can’t quite understand how a deeply loving mindset and heart can provide such a strong connection, only to be degraded and dismissed like an empty surface.
It’s because my flesh is more critical to the naked eyes of some men. I once thought it would be different for me as a gay man, but I learned years ago that this struggle will be everlasting.
Some men can’t even fathom holding a deep conversation or building a genuine connection.
There’s a lack of conversational effort, vagueness, and surface-level words. I find myself spinning, searching for even a small grace of reciprocation for all the energy I’m pouring into the conversation.
It seems that building a connection is too exhausting for some men, even at the very beginning. Weaving the threads of something meaningful feels too much work, so they retreat into vagueness, assuming you’ll stick around for whatever scraps they give.
I’ve found that many men elicit their desire for flesh more readily than their desire for connection, because it’s easier. They don’t realize how much damage they cause with this cycle, how selfishly they destroy someone else’s hopes and needs just to serve themselves.
A person should be desired for how their personality shines through conversation. The desires of the flesh shouldn’t come first, not in the beginning stages. Building connections and deepening them through meaningful dialogue and shared experiences should be the standard.
When you fail to offer that and show up with selfishness and greed instead of presence and care, you drain the hope and joy from someone’s heart.
Love should be possible. But as I’ve learned, it’s much harder to obtain because some men’s eyes and minds are blinded by selfishness, lack of decorum, and disrespect.

I'm trying to get the images of us I had in my head
Out of my head 

I wanted it to be real 
I wanted to feel it 
Feel the warmth of your heart with my head near your chest

I just wanted to have a win
Where someone I like…. like me back

The feelings are disappearing….but slowly 

As I talk to you more and more
it gets harder to erase the romantic images of us
Out of my mind

I'm trying to destroy my feelings for you, but the hard part is that I don't want it to go away 

It was your smile 

Your presence as you walked onto the sand
As you walked closer and closer to me
The feelings I had for you were so strong at that moment

But I know I can't see you in that way anymore 
Because the clarity was stated already
I have let go of my hopes and dreams I had thought about having with you

I wanted it to be you so badly
Until I understood last week that you didn't want it to be me 
I will get through this, but I'm not sure how long this will take for me………

It never fails for me

To seek a person in crush form type of way 
but to find out more about the person and 
Only to find out that person will never see you in the same way that you see them

They will never see you in a romantic way
They will never talk to you or hang out with you in the ways you replayed over and over in your haead about them and you

I will never be sought out for nor communicated romantically with by him.

I’m so glad I retrieved my clarity, and now I am no longer confused about his perceptions and intentions

I just wish this cycle of misfortune would stop from happening to me.

But I realized I can’t control how my heart felt for a guy in the beginning

Because I feel too much and overthink too

Part of me is so glad that no matter how much I did like him, I could never open my mouth to say it to him

I saved my integrity and from embarrassment by not doing so

God, I wish for just one time for me to crush on a guy, and they actually like me back because now my track record is 0 out of 7 instead of 0 out of 6

I feel this is and will be, unfortunately, repeated misfortune for me, and I don’t know if I can deal with another failure of crushing on the wrong guy……

Why do I even try

Hints were flowed to you various times

You didn’t even notice any at all
Or maybe you did notice
Or maybe it’s not obvious at all


I want to pour my heart out so much to you

But I can’t because nothing comes out

Because I’m so afraid if it’s unrequited 
I’m afraid of getting hurt 
To know that the feeling isn’t mutual 

To know the fantasy images and videos I replayed in my head about us two  will never even happen 
To know it will never even be possible to happen
Once I know the answer if I were to ask you


I know this feeling of unrequited crushing because this happens frequently to me every couple of years
I crush on a guy and they typically never like me back especially if I’m the one who state how they feel first

I starting to dislike this cycle of crushing on a guy because it doesn’t seem to work out for me 

But I can’t seem to prevent my heart from crushing on a guy is the only issue ……

The moment of uncertainty comes cycling back

Your eyes lust upon him the more you talk to him

Your heart is so excited, but your mind is questioning it all about him 

Your mind is saying uncertainty lies underneath this guy, but your heart says to seek out this guy in a romantic way

The unfortunate part of being in the lgbtq community is the uncertainty we have to deal with about the sexuality of a person before approaching them

I feel like I'm being trapped in this loop constantly every 2 or 4 years with every guy I meet of not knowing and figuring out that person wasn't didn't have the same sexuality as me 

Some may confuse this ideal as being delusional because it's obvious to know whether a man is attracted to the same sex or tell us simply to ask, but it's not that simple for non-hetero people 

The uncertainty of this all is frustrating for me, and I'm pretty sure not only do I feel this 

There are days I think to myself, Man, dating might be easier if I was a woman, but no, it's hard for everyone…
Everyone faces some degree of uncertainty of their own, and the way to be sure is to have the mental guts to find out or to let God guide you and show you the explanation, or don't do anything at all and shove all your feelings back into your heart and  romantic thoughts back in your mind