Tag Archives: Mood

I miss the way how my heart fluttered 120 beats per minute when I saw you 

I miss how hard it was to talk to you
The way it felt to be near you
The way you smiled at me 
The way you brush your hand up to my shoulder

I miss the way how I get so excited to see you the next day
The way it felt to see you walk inside 
The way you carry yourself as you walk towards me

I miss the way I didn’t knew your sexual orientation and that you had a girlfriend 

I miss the way my feelings were growing deeper for you and there was no penalties or regrets that came with it

I miss the way how you said hey to me, acknowledged me, and said good bye to me at the gym

But most of all I miss about how I liked  you so much
And I hate that you’ll never like me back in the same way so I hate myself and want to forget ..

But I don’t 
Not even a little a bit 
Not even at all 

You’re surrounded by a sea of endless thoughts about love 

You're trying to escape this feeling of  loneliness
 
You start to even crave affection so much that even the slightest hug would pull back the tears you’ve kept since the last time you felt affection

You’re struggling to mask the  feelings you felt with each guy you’ve encountered in your life

You easily get jealous when your friends talk about their dating life because you’ve never even been on one 

You try to stop thinking into the mindset  that finding love will never happen for you but it gets harder every time passes by day by day 

You want to screech out into sky so badly because you can’t stand to see relationships on tv because it’s not you 

It’s not you being hugged
Its not you being kissed under the moonlight
Its not you walking by the lake and being mesmerized by the love of your life eyes under the stars at night 
Its not you in the car holding hands with the love of your life 

You hope and pray for a moment that one day this will be you 

You will finally be relieved of this dreaded feeling……

You sought love 

You wish for your beloved man. 

You weep for moments of intimacy 

But you felt you would be crying until infinity. 

You sought for moments to express interest in someone

But you knew love unexpectedly happens 

You knew rejection was a risk

So you felt no need take a chance

To never search for genuine and pure romance. 

You lacked the ability to stop liking or loving someone so deeply at first sight 

You try to repress the feelings 

You try to masked the feelings 

You try to stop the glances 

But you start to feel upset 

Because you realize you didn’t take any chances

To find pure and genuine romance.

You fell in love with seeing love in media

But you fail to see how that love is unrealistic  

You want to find love that’s genuine and realistic. 

You cherish every fleeting second of your dreams in falling love 

But maybe it’s time to dream about yourself more

Your accomplishments,goals, and future more  Maybe these things are the key to get love off your mind. 

You still hoped for a chance for it to happen

You wonder if it’ll happen tomorrow or in a year 

But you realize there isn’t a definite way to know 

When your tethered will come when you want them to.

You start to realize in life that 

Love will reach those unexpectedly 

Pure and genuine intimacy will come

You just have to be patient

So that love will find you 

And you won’t have to worry or weep no more.

You surrounded yourself in love quotes
Because you believe that is the closest you’ll get to “feeling” what a relationship is. 
You surrounded yourself in romantic films 
Because you think it’s the closest you’ll get to “see” what a relationship feels like.

You shiver your way into a deep despair of hopeless apps
Because you thought it was your way to obtain a relationship
You realize you were a fool to believe this 
You see the deceptive pawns playing on your heart like a guitar. 

You try to find ways to emulate the feeling of love so you read and watch romantic tv shows 
To help the void disappear from your heart.

You wish it was a feeling you can escape 
You realize their will always be triggers 
Triggers that will populate that feeling to reappear.

You wish 
You pray 
You dream
You cry even a little sometimes
You know enjoying your own company is best
Until your wishful prince awaits you into his arms.

I wrap my heart and mind around the feeling of being in love and to be loved

I can’t await to anticipate the day my knight and shining armor prince comes knocking at my door 

I soon realize it would take many trials before the one would even be revealed because of how men deceive me into thinking they want a relationship 

Most men I encountered  look at me as if I’m  the one for them when they look at me and some are even bold to get to the point of it with just one sentence 

I started to realize that most men will encounter me not for the sole purpose of dating or a relationship but they just wanted “my body”

They deceive me into saying they want a relationship but in reality all they ever wanted was “my body” like it’s some tool to use to get  their fix off on at night or in the morning

I weep every time this happens and it always feels like I’m being stabbed in my heart  every time a man deceived me  into thinking they want a relationship 

I just want to feel love and be loved , but I wonder why men fake wanting it and just want sex from me.
It was as if my body was a better usage for them than my personality,love, and mind. 

I just wanted to feel wanted and be loved , why is that so hard to find in another man?

It breaks  me and it hurts me but I try to not  let it destroy me in my hope of finding the one…..

You wrap you heart around just thought of being in love

The thought always passes your mind like a person waiting for a bus at a busy city street 

You’re so sensitive to the topic of a relationship you immediately feel a  cruel shrug of cold wind hit your back as you see two people hold hands or kiss

This wasn’t the only uncomfortable feeling you felt , you even felt a sensation of your chest being pricked at with a knife  when you see two guys hug and tell each other they love each other on tv or in a movie

Memories even start to roll in your your mind that you depress of your many failed attempts  to talk and be in a relationship with a guy since 8th grade

You remeber how the pain made you want to change yourself, it made you hate yourself in high school, it made you wonder if you’re even likable enough for a relationship 

You remember their are lot of men in this world who don’t value the same things of a relationship and love as you 

You try to fill  the void of feeling like you’ll be single forever through dating apps but you soon realized it had no effect
It was like putting a small bandage on a large bruise

You tell yourself  now and keep telling yourself the following: “love awaits those when the time is truly right in the eyes of God” as you try to enjoy your life as much as possible

I don’t want to be seen only for non-relationship purposes
I want to be seen as potential partner 
I see guys who deceptively make me think they want me for me and mind and personality 

All they ever wanted really from me was my body 

My body was almost a laundering tool for perpetual men to get their nightly desire from 

I don’t want to be seen as that even though I clearly state that I’m not interested in that

I can’t even fathom the toll it has on me wanting to find my partner and wanted to be found by him 

It made me unable to see the world that “ love is possible” because I just can’t anymore and I weep a tear as I write this 

Internet men are so far worse than meet in person men but there is still no Total` faith that a in person man won’t act like an internet man 

Internet men is simply men you meet on social media or the internet and in person men is simply men you meet in person or face to face.

I told myself that internet men are the worst and try to wait for your in person man, but how when no one has the same desire for a relationship and love as me …

The desire for quality time , physical touch , acts of service and the other 2 languages of love I see displayed on tv makes it hard to believe I would find my tethered or in-person man in my life ……

I want to feel  your touch 
The touch of your warm arms wrap around my neck as you pull me in close to your chest.

I  want to feel your arms wrap around  my back as you pull me in close and firmly into your neck & chest  and I smell the cologne you’re wearing.

I want you to grab my hand as we walk across the lake or beach and we see the stars shining glowing into the night while I lay my head on your shoulder.

I want to see you smile as you look me in my eyes to grace me with your devotion and expression in words of how much you love me.

I want to have my heart blossom and to smile so  hard like when I take a picture when he grace my presence with a gift,trip, and or a ring of marriage.  

I want to have these feelings and moments soon.
I just beg to god that it will happen and that my faith in finding this and more will come true…..

My heart bleeds a cut of your suffering. All I wanted to feel was love, but instead I felt a deep pain of your missed consumption .

I thought me and you can be united forever as one but looks like I was wrong.

We choose the love we think we deserve, well I can’t believe I thought I deserve your love.

I thought we can live in a place of infinity of love. Well I feel so stupid now cause all u were was a mistake,a lowlife piece of paper, so now how about you flee on to another path …instead of my path that I thought we will walk on together as one on ……