Tag Archives: Mood

Im tired of people saying I don’t have the right to say how I feel due to my age (24) to someone who’s is older than me by 10 or 20 years.

Im tired of people making me feel pressured, feel unfair, and feel small at work

Im tired of people telling me to let go of the heartache and how it all ended because it’s not that easy……especially if it was my first one

Im tired of people telling me I’m looking for love and that I shouldn’t and maybe I am cause want to feel and have what others have and maybe cause Im lonely ; thats why I did search for it and is that so wrong….

Im so tired of having to be triggered from all the things above stated

Im tired that I keep crying when I get triggered or when I can’t stop thinking about it all

I’m tired of feeling this emotional pain it’s like getting hit in the chest by a car ….

I’m just tired of having to go through this and I want an out from feeling this pain in my heart

I wish you could see

That even though it was so easy for you to leave 

Did you ever try to think about the aftermath?
Have you ever thought about leaving me sooner to save me my energy and time?
Did you  ever truly think about me in a romantic way?
Lastly, why did you take me out the picture so quickly like it was so effortless in just 4 hours of decision making?

I have so many questions I know that will never be answered 
But I wish you could see you left me with a broken heart with pieces all over the floor at orange theory, at work, at my home, at my Aunt's home, at certain restaurants we went to, at my moms house … just everywhere I went that I thought about you and our relationship 

I wish you could see that you tore a part of me out that made me believe love is fair 
Because I know that it isn’t and it will never be especially for me 

I wish you could see that you made it hard for me to do certain things in my life and I’m repairing the damage that you did on my life , my heart, and my mind 

I wish you could see 
That I never want to meet you again
I wish you could see how great I  was to you 

I wish you could see how you gave up on someone who gave it their all for you through all your personal traumas in your life 

I wish you could see how I regret saying “I’ll be there for you through the good and bad” 
Because you never really cared about me saying that to you 

I started to realize overall I was easily nothing to you after that 2nd month of our relationship when the personal trauma happened 

 I wish you could see you will never be nothing more to me but a broken memory of what I thought my 1st first  love could be  
Because you will now remain a broken and regretful mistake I gave a chance on to enter in my life 

I wish you could see that exactly now…

It doesn't make sense
It's not fair to be the one who is hurting, and they get to go on with their lives happy and possibly with somebody else

It's not fair that you've have to fix your broken heart after they broke it

It's not fair that you've have to learn how to unlearn a schedule you had with them now

It's not fair 
How love is easily found for some people but for you it's a constant turmoil of trials and tribulations

It's not fair that God gave you an ounce of what a relationship feels like but couldn't even give you pound of what it feels like to be in one
God couldn't even give your 1st relationship at least 6 months, but only 4.5 months....

It's not fair
How love destroys your mental health sometimes
Now you wonder maybe just like how "life isn't fair" it must be the same way as saying "love isn't fair"
Especially to those who sincerely deserves it and need it in their life....

Finally the moment where the scars from all the deceptive pawns faded away

They faded away because I believe I finally found someone who likes me for me ; for my exterior and interior features

Someone who wants to know me for my heart and mind and not for only my body

He made me realize I’m worthy of affection and infatuation 

He made me realize I’m worthy to be in a relationship and to go on dates

He made me realize I’m worthy enough for genuine romance and intimacy

I was losing my faith of being in a relationship drastically as every year passed

I can now feel the relief uplift from my heart

I realize I always deserve this feeling of being wanted for an relationship and intimacy

I will continue to pray for abundance of infatuation, intimacy, and a moment to have him say that 4 letter word to me in the near future……

It was the look he gave her 
His eyes lit up as he saw her
His smile grew bigger as her saw her 
It was like you weren't even in his field of vision
You were like an invisible cloak to him


You started to realize he does truly love her
he will never like you
It was never a chance for you and him to be one

You will never have the slightest chance for him to be one your one and only
You will never have a chance for him to get to know you on an emotional and intimate level

You're starting to despise your heart for falling for a man
A man that has unrequited feelings for you
You despise your brain for hoping for a disconnect between his lover and him

You just want to dispel all the feelings you had for him in your heart
You want to forget all the conversations you had with him in your memory
You want to carve out your eyes because you don't want to see the moment of a proposal happening between his lover and him


You wish you never had saw "the look"
The look that showed you love will never be possible for you and him ever...

It was the cold you loved because you can sleep and dream about your thoughts of being in despair

You’ve always imagine moments where your hopes and dreams about “falling in love” transpires at rate of a blink of an eye

You wonder day by day why can’t the idea of “falling in love” disappear from your mind for at least a month or two

You feel as if life throws examples of people and objects that are “in love” to you everyday

It was almost a constant reminder that you’re you’ve been single for almost 24 years

You just want a man to be so infatuated about you that they smile so hard and bright when they see your presence

You just want a man that wants to include a picture of you in their office or on their wallpaper of their phone because they love to think about you everyday

You want a man to grab you by your hand and pull you in for a hug immediately as he see a you everyday because physical touch is his and you’re number 1 love language

You want to be shock or in awe because of the little things he do to make your day better because he loves to see you happy

You want all these things stated above but you wish you can can enjoy yourself 20% more so you can focus bit more on life being single…….

It was the comfort you felt as he hugged you close to his chest

It was hearing his heartbeat as you lay your head on his chest

It was the way he wrapped his arms around you as he hugged you and you loved how you felt protected and obtained 

You wished you felt all this with the one , the one and only true love of your life

You wish you could hold hands with a guy as you talk about each others past childhood,traumas,successes, and failures of life until 2am

You wish you could see how much he cared about you through his eyes because his eyes stared at you like you were his one and only true love

But it’s moments in life where you can’t stand that fact that you have to see moments of love and affection from couples when you go outside 

You hate the fact that you have so many triggers of “not having love” that a tidal wave of tears will pour out your eyes

You wish it 
You just want to feel it 
You want to experience it 
What it means “to be loved” 

You wish for a moment of love 
You pray to find love 
You hope to find love 
You wish for that day everyday 
So you will keep praying and wishing till that day comes…..