It was the look he gave her
His eyes lit up as he saw her
His smile grew bigger as her saw her
It was like you weren't even in his field of vision
You were like an invisible cloak to him
You started to realize he does truly love her
he will never like you
It was never a chance for you and him to be one
You will never have the slightest chance for him to be one your one and only
You will never have a chance for him to get to know you on an emotional and intimate level
You're starting to despise your heart for falling for a man
A man that has unrequited feelings for you
You despise your brain for hoping for a disconnect between his lover and him
You just want to dispel all the feelings you had for him in your heart
You want to forget all the conversations you had with him in your memory
You want to carve out your eyes because you don't want to see the moment of a proposal happening between his lover and him
You wish you never had saw "the look"
The look that showed you love will never be possible for you and him ever...
You repressed your feelings you had for him because you know the chances for him to like you back was slim to none
But those feelings are dwelling back into your heart because he's trying to be your friend...
You're starting to fall for the acts of service he provides to you
The kindness in his heart for wanting to get to know you
The thoughtfulness he shows in remembering the small details about you
You want to wrap your mind, your heart, and your happiness you have about him into a box that you'll never have to open up again
You wonder how you can break the strings of your heart that is attached to him You wonder how you can destroy the imaginative romance images you have about him in your mind You wonder how you can dispel your infatuation for him into oblivion
You know its a curse to fall for a heterosexual man because it will almost always be unrequited infatuation
You wish you could have a distraction from thinking about him You wish you've never lay eyes on him when you first saw him
You just want a distraction,a disappearance of your feelings for him, a way to destroy your thoughts and feelings you have about him
But How? How and why am I put in this predicament God? I pray for a solution, a calling, an answer to my suffering
I don’t know if I can repress my feelings and deal with this unrequited infatuation….
It was the cold you loved because you can sleep and dream about your thoughts of being in despair
You’ve always imagine moments where your hopes and dreams about “falling in love” transpires at rate of a blink of an eye
You wonder day by day why can’t the idea of “falling in love” disappear from your mind for at least a month or two
You feel as if life throws examples of people and objects that are “in love” to you everyday
It was almost a constant reminder that you’re you’ve been single for almost 24 years
You just want a man to be so infatuated about you that they smile so hard and bright when they see your presence
You just want a man that wants to include a picture of you in their office or on their wallpaper of their phone because they love to think about you everyday
You want a man to grab you by your hand and pull you in for a hug immediately as he see a you everyday because physical touch is his and you’re number 1 love language
You want to be shock or in awe because of the little things he do to make your day better because he loves to see you happy
You want all these things stated above but you wish you can can enjoy yourself 20% more so you can focus bit more on life being single…….
It was the comfort you felt as he hugged you close to his chest
It was hearing his heartbeat as you lay your head on his chest
It was the way he wrapped his arms around you as he hugged you and you loved how you felt protected and obtained
You wished you felt all this with the one , the one and only true love of your life
You wish you could hold hands with a guy as you talk about each others past childhood,traumas,successes, and failures of life until 2am
You wish you could see how much he cared about you through his eyes because his eyes stared at you like you were his one and only true love
But it’s moments in life where you can’t stand that fact that you have to see moments of love and affection from couples when you go outside
You hate the fact that you have so many triggers of “not having love” that a tidal wave of tears will pour out your eyes
You wish it You just want to feel it You want to experience it What it means “to be loved”
You wish for a moment of love You pray to find love You hope to find love You wish for that day everyday So you will keep praying and wishing till that day comes…..
You’re alone with your thoughts,anger,and your sadness
Living alone helped you have a sense of privacy, space , and comfortability But you started to realize the dreadfulness of being lonely came back haunting your mind
You realize since you feel alone in your big apartment it made you realize even more “you’re single & alone”
You thought movies of seeing pure romance & love and dating apps could help diminish the feeling of being alone and single But it doesn’t !!
You see that hanging around family and friend helps but only temporarily helps
You feel like you diminished your soul into dating apps,working,watching romance movies and sitcoms, and hanging out with friends & family, but …… You started to realize all those things could trigger your emotions and make you realize again “You’re single & alone”
You wish for the feeling to fade To fade slowly into a dark obilivion
So you told yourself you will try anything possible in a healthy way for the fire of loneliness to be distinguished once for all
So that I can learn that it’s okay sometime to feel lonely and be single in life
You’re surrounded by a sea of endless thoughts about love
You're trying to escape this feeling of loneliness
You start to even crave affection so much that even the slightest hug would pull back the tears you’ve kept since the last time you felt affection
You’re struggling to mask the feelings you felt with each guy you’ve encountered in your life
You easily get jealous when your friends talk about their dating life because you’ve never even been on one
You try to stop thinking into the mindset that finding love will never happen for you but it gets harder every time passes by day by day
You want to screech out into sky so badly because you can’t stand to see relationships on tv because it’s not you
It’s not you being hugged Its not you being kissed under the moonlight Its not you walking by the lake and being mesmerized by the love of your life eyes under the stars at night Its not you in the car holding hands with the love of your life
You hope and pray for a moment that one day this will be you
You will finally be relieved of this dreaded feeling……
How can I ever trust my heart and mind
They both had me to believe infatuation was reciprocated between us two
How could I believe small talk about life, compliments, and sharing information about each other lives and hobbies with an exchange of smiles and laughs was just being friendly?......
How could I ever believe my time, conversations with him and enjoyment on my face I had just by being near him and talking to him was any real connection of intimacy
Why must I fall pray to either unrequited or deceptive love!!!
Why me?
Why must "love" be hard for me to find?
But it is so much easier for everyone else that is in my life?
People tell me to try find it or stop trying to find it , but no matter what it always fails regardless
I just want to have one moment in my life where my love was reciprocated back, when I'm able to have a genuine romance, a first time date, a stroll across the lake holding hands with a guy downtown the city, a moment where I feel wanted from someone who wanted me for me and not only for my body
I just wish this all wasn't so hard for me
I trusted my heart in believing it was love at first sight with a glimpse, but you failed to listen to your heart
I realize my hope to find love was still slowly dissipating into oblivion
You still hope and wish for another door to open but you keep putting a timing on it
You hope to stop counting the years of loneliness and singleness
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