Author Archives: Marquise Linnear

It was the cold you loved because you can sleep and dream about your thoughts of being in despair

You’ve always imagine moments where your hopes and dreams about “falling in love” transpires at rate of a blink of an eye

You wonder day by day why can’t the idea of “falling in love” disappear from your mind for at least a month or two

You feel as if life throws examples of people and objects that are “in love” to you everyday

It was almost a constant reminder that you’re you’ve been single for almost 24 years

You just want a man to be so infatuated about you that they smile so hard and bright when they see your presence

You just want a man that wants to include a picture of you in their office or on their wallpaper of their phone because they love to think about you everyday

You want a man to grab you by your hand and pull you in for a hug immediately as he see a you everyday because physical touch is his and you’re number 1 love language

You want to be shock or in awe because of the little things he do to make your day better because he loves to see you happy

You want all these things stated above but you wish you can can enjoy yourself 20% more so you can focus bit more on life being single…….

It was the comfort you felt as he hugged you close to his chest

It was hearing his heartbeat as you lay your head on his chest

It was the way he wrapped his arms around you as he hugged you and you loved how you felt protected and obtained 

You wished you felt all this with the one , the one and only true love of your life

You wish you could hold hands with a guy as you talk about each others past childhood,traumas,successes, and failures of life until 2am

You wish you could see how much he cared about you through his eyes because his eyes stared at you like you were his one and only true love

But it’s moments in life where you can’t stand that fact that you have to see moments of love and affection from couples when you go outside 

You hate the fact that you have so many triggers of “not having love” that a tidal wave of tears will pour out your eyes

You wish it 
You just want to feel it 
You want to experience it 
What it means “to be loved” 

You wish for a moment of love 
You pray to find love 
You hope to find love 
You wish for that day everyday 
So you will keep praying and wishing till that day comes…..

I miss the way how my heart fluttered 120 beats per minute when I saw you 

I miss how hard it was to talk to you
The way it felt to be near you
The way you smiled at me 
The way you brush your hand up to my shoulder

I miss the way how I get so excited to see you the next day
The way it felt to see you walk inside 
The way you carry yourself as you walk towards me

I miss the way I didn’t knew your sexual orientation and that you had a girlfriend 

I miss the way my feelings were growing deeper for you and there was no penalties or regrets that came with it

I miss the way how you said hey to me, acknowledged me, and said good bye to me at the gym

But most of all I miss about how I liked  you so much
And I hate that you’ll never like me back in the same way so I hate myself and want to forget ..

But I don’t 
Not even a little a bit 
Not even at all 

You’re surrounded by a sea of endless thoughts about love 

You're trying to escape this feeling of  loneliness
 
You start to even crave affection so much that even the slightest hug would pull back the tears you’ve kept since the last time you felt affection

You’re struggling to mask the  feelings you felt with each guy you’ve encountered in your life

You easily get jealous when your friends talk about their dating life because you’ve never even been on one 

You try to stop thinking into the mindset  that finding love will never happen for you but it gets harder every time passes by day by day 

You want to screech out into sky so badly because you can’t stand to see relationships on tv because it’s not you 

It’s not you being hugged
Its not you being kissed under the moonlight
Its not you walking by the lake and being mesmerized by the love of your life eyes under the stars at night 
Its not you in the car holding hands with the love of your life 

You hope and pray for a moment that one day this will be you 

You will finally be relieved of this dreaded feeling……

You sought love 

You wish for your beloved man. 

You weep for moments of intimacy 

But you felt you would be crying until infinity. 

You sought for moments to express interest in someone

But you knew love unexpectedly happens 

You knew rejection was a risk

So you felt no need take a chance

To never search for genuine and pure romance. 

You lacked the ability to stop liking or loving someone so deeply at first sight 

You try to repress the feelings 

You try to masked the feelings 

You try to stop the glances 

But you start to feel upset 

Because you realize you didn’t take any chances

To find pure and genuine romance.

You fell in love with seeing love in media

But you fail to see how that love is unrealistic  

You want to find love that’s genuine and realistic. 

You cherish every fleeting second of your dreams in falling love 

But maybe it’s time to dream about yourself more

Your accomplishments,goals, and future more  Maybe these things are the key to get love off your mind. 

You still hoped for a chance for it to happen

You wonder if it’ll happen tomorrow or in a year 

But you realize there isn’t a definite way to know 

When your tethered will come when you want them to.

You start to realize in life that 

Love will reach those unexpectedly 

Pure and genuine intimacy will come

You just have to be patient

So that love will find you 

And you won’t have to worry or weep no more.

You surrounded yourself in love quotes
Because you believe that is the closest you’ll get to “feeling” what a relationship is. 
You surrounded yourself in romantic films 
Because you think it’s the closest you’ll get to “see” what a relationship feels like.

You shiver your way into a deep despair of hopeless apps
Because you thought it was your way to obtain a relationship
You realize you were a fool to believe this 
You see the deceptive pawns playing on your heart like a guitar. 

You try to find ways to emulate the feeling of love so you read and watch romantic tv shows 
To help the void disappear from your heart.

You wish it was a feeling you can escape 
You realize their will always be triggers 
Triggers that will populate that feeling to reappear.

You wish 
You pray 
You dream
You cry even a little sometimes
You know enjoying your own company is best
Until your wishful prince awaits you into his arms.

I wrap my heart and mind around the feeling of being in love and to be loved

I can’t await to anticipate the day my knight and shining armor prince comes knocking at my door 

I soon realize it would take many trials before the one would even be revealed because of how men deceive me into thinking they want a relationship 

Most men I encountered  look at me as if I’m  the one for them when they look at me and some are even bold to get to the point of it with just one sentence 

I started to realize that most men will encounter me not for the sole purpose of dating or a relationship but they just wanted “my body”

They deceive me into saying they want a relationship but in reality all they ever wanted was “my body” like it’s some tool to use to get  their fix off on at night or in the morning

I weep every time this happens and it always feels like I’m being stabbed in my heart  every time a man deceived me  into thinking they want a relationship 

I just want to feel love and be loved , but I wonder why men fake wanting it and just want sex from me.
It was as if my body was a better usage for them than my personality,love, and mind. 

I just wanted to feel wanted and be loved , why is that so hard to find in another man?

It breaks  me and it hurts me but I try to not  let it destroy me in my hope of finding the one…..

You wrap you heart around just thought of being in love

The thought always passes your mind like a person waiting for a bus at a busy city street 

You’re so sensitive to the topic of a relationship you immediately feel a  cruel shrug of cold wind hit your back as you see two people hold hands or kiss

This wasn’t the only uncomfortable feeling you felt , you even felt a sensation of your chest being pricked at with a knife  when you see two guys hug and tell each other they love each other on tv or in a movie

Memories even start to roll in your your mind that you depress of your many failed attempts  to talk and be in a relationship with a guy since 8th grade

You remeber how the pain made you want to change yourself, it made you hate yourself in high school, it made you wonder if you’re even likable enough for a relationship 

You remember their are lot of men in this world who don’t value the same things of a relationship and love as you 

You try to fill  the void of feeling like you’ll be single forever through dating apps but you soon realized it had no effect
It was like putting a small bandage on a large bruise

You tell yourself  now and keep telling yourself the following: “love awaits those when the time is truly right in the eyes of God” as you try to enjoy your life as much as possible