“The Idea of a Relationship is dying…”

I repressed a moment I had with a guy

Because maybe my mind didn’t want my heart to feel the pain I was going to feel when I processed it….

It was yet again the second time in July I was taken up by a guy mostly for external pleasures only….

I realized dating apps was of no use for me anymore in my life

Men would lure their eyes on my appearance and say they looked at my profile but some would look at my profile just to obtain their external desire they have on me…

It took these 2 men to make it clear to me that love is dying and finding a pure relationship from a genuine person is dying in this generation and even in millennials too….

It breaks my heart apart ….

Because every encounter I had that I wasn’t even trying to look for and did look for ended up exactly like the cycle I been in..

An endless cycle of men wanting me for non relationship purposes….but for my body mainly…

I would block and delete these men so effortlessly out my life but I realized it’s getting very tiring having to do this so much in this dreadful cycle…..

It’s been 4 months since my breakup of my first relationship via from tinder that lasted only 5 months and I still tend to wonder what was the point of that small length of intimacy….

I now get jealous,unhappy, and even frustrated again when I see couples and when my friends talk about their newly or continuing relationships…

I just wish I had a person to hold hands with, smile with, joke with, go on dates with, take car rides with , and travel the world with….

I get upset seeing examples of relationships and intimacy that I haven’t even obtain yet on tv or in person

I know I have a whole life ahead of me but going through this cycle makes it seem it’s not even possible to have a true long term relationship….

I hate to even say it but I believe love is dying but think it is for me and I don’t know if I’ll ever find a true, long term, and genuine relationship that I dreamed about since I was 13 years old…..