“It Still Hurts”

It still hurts to believe you could have been something 
I was getting so excited to share about you to my friends 
I can’t believe I allowed myself to think that you wanted to be a part of my life 
I was just another guy that was too interested in you and that you maybe didn’t feel the same way about 
You called me “cute” and “handsome” and “adorable” but did you really mean it all??…
Did any guy ever mean any of the words they say to me at all??
Are they really interested in me for real or do they know since I’m a hopeless romantic they’re taking advantage of that factor??
I’m still hurting, and I know I am because I feel this tightening feeling in the center of my chest every time a tear drops from my cheeks
I know I’m still hurting cause I’m crying as I write this still 
I just really believed and thought you liked me but you’re too busy with your own life that you barely even reached back to talk to me
I just wanted someone to tell me straight up…. are they in it for “love” or “fun”?

I wonder if he just wanted “fun” from me and pretended to like me all this time 
It honestly feels a part of me is mad at myself for feeling like this but another part of me is in so much emotional pain that I can’t bear to stand up and do anything 

I want this feeling to go away as soon as possible. I just don’t know how?
I don’t know why it feels like I been hit with a hammer in my chest 

I’m trying to bear the pain and transfer it to music, crying, taking a day to myself, and writing this but none of it is working, not even my anxiety medication. 
I want this feeling to stop, and I want to stop hurting… I just wish I knew how immediately but I don’t, and I’m lost ……