Tag Archives: Anxiety

I always thought to myself why I must shake in fear. The fear of having anything that can have my heartbeat go from 80 to 122 beats per minute. This fear dreads from my perception of what it feels to step inside a place to check my health. Yes, you guessed it correctly I’m talking about the doctor’s office. I instantly feel my heartbeat increase so much that it’s as if my heartbeat through my chest and it’s almost like a hammer beating on a nail sometimes. The fear doesn’t even stop there because my anxiety makes me have multiple fears unfortunately. This fear of rejection is my second greatest fear. The more I get rejected from anything in my life such as jobs or love interests it becomes as if a knife becomes closer and closer to stabbing my chest. Once I get rejected too much it is as if the knife punctures through the skin off my chest and now, I’m bleeding. These fears together make my heart pound so much it’s as if someone is playing drums on it. Now it’s as if my body shuts down and now, I feel stuck. Stuck in a maze that has an endless route. I start to grasp for air and suddenly lose sight of how to even grasp for air correctly. As I struggle to grasp for even a liter of air, the endless puddle of tears comes dripping out my eyes. This fear of rejection and the fear of my health are just two of many triggers that can cause this overwhelming panic attack to occur. It is as if the human body can only emotionally take so much strain in the mind that it goes berserk if too much is put on it. I would love it if my heart wouldn’t run a race so much and so I can feel as if I’m okay. I wish it was that simple, but no it’s not for me. Anxiety plays a trick on my mind to tell my heart there is danger from these triggers and even my stomach and nervous system too. I wish for normalcy with my anxiety and soon hope my heart and my mind can stop running this race to an oblivion track route.

You start to feel the trigger as your brain hears that melody

The Melody from the kiss breakdown song from the movie you always adore and love because it made you release the emotions you have inside, but this melody is too strong for you to handle, and you realize it’s happening and you’re falling 

You try to scream for it to stop but you couldn’t 

You feel your chest flutter as you stand up 

Your hands buzz like the sound of a bee

Then you gasp for air and struggle 

You begin to feel the overwhelming tide of teardrops scatter across your face  

You try to gasp for more air but no it’s still no good 

You try to reach for the bed because your body is about to give up 

It can’t handle the amount of oxygen leaving your brain 



As your breathing begins to cascade downward even more 

You crawl your way out of despair, and you finally reach the bed



But no, it doesn’t stop there are even more puddles of tears and now your whole body is shaking



Your heartbeat increases now 

You hear it beat at the center of your chest

You try to tell your mind to stop it please stop it, but it doesn’t answer



It’s as if the start of this panic attack is at the climax 

As you let it runs its course through your body now it’s as if your energy is depleted completely



Depleted your entire source of adrenaline that you had left in you and now it’s as if your legs can’t keep up with your brain and arms



Now you wonder to yourself 



When will it happen again?

When will it stop?

Why must it happen now?

As your body rekindles itself 

You sit there in silence 

Great it happened again……