There are many of you who may think why is being single being described as an “upheaval”? When you’re single for the 23 years or more of your life and without having no clue what a date nor what a relationship feels like. This can be described as an upheaval to some out there in this world like me. We battle the constant turmoil in our minds that tell us we won’t find true love ever in our lives. We sometimes feel a painful triggering feeling when we see others around us with their significant other. This feeling is a dread of not having someone be there and to tell us we are cute, handsome, hug us, and kiss us as if we’re their king or queen.

There are days especially for me when I feel as if being single is a curse.  Every day I see how my siblings, my mother, and my friends have the enjoyment to share their love with another human being. It was as if every time I saw them interact my heart was bleeding a drop of blood into my stomach. It was as if my eyes started to be filled with an endless number of tears awaiting to be let go and slide across my cheeks. It was as if a hammer was banging on the left side of my chest. 


I want to know what it feels like to hold hands. To go on a fucking date for the first time and express my interest and dislikes while eating my favorite meal. I want to know what it’s like to go to a horror movie and actually be terrified but be comforted because he’s holding my hand to let me know you’re okay. I want to know what it’s like to have intertwined eye gazing moments you see in romantic movies. I want to know how it feels to actually have someone say I “love you” while they look at your eyes. I just described what most may think is a hopeless romantic, but I just consider myself a romantic person overall. 



We live in a world where being a hopeless romantic and finding someone who shares the same virtues as us is a very low probability. Currently in this generation people believe it’s just better to have “fun” or be friends with benefits but not really friends. The importance of dating and wanting a monogamous relationship is simply fading away apparently especially in the LGBTQ community. Dating apps have become of difficulty for us hopeless romantics due to these new philosophies and now they are a nuisance to us. There are times when we delete the app and redownload it just to fill the void of not having anyone in our lives. This is certainly me doing this cycle of downloading and deleting but I honestly know it’s my way of coping.


I wish for one day I can simply cope without needing to get back on those apps and stop thinking I will find my romantic other on there too. It just gets harder every year as I get older. I know I’m basically 23, but to be honest 23 is not too far from 30. It’s terrifying to me. I’ve never done things like these, and I have to constantly watch it on the television and just know that it’s not me. I want to be the one crying when they say, “I love you”. I want to be hugged tightly after they comfort me in my panic attack crisis. I want to be the one crying saying “I never in my life imagine having someone be so in love with me as much as I’m in love with them”.  I will one day be able to cope with this better and fill this void soon. I just wonder why “The world fell out of love with love at some point in time” (You by Caroline Kepnes).