“Repeated Cycle of Misfortune”

It never fails for me

To seek a person in crush form type of way 
but to find out more about the person and 
Only to find out that person will never see you in the same way that you see them

They will never see you in a romantic way
They will never talk to you or hang out with you in the ways you replayed over and over in your haead about them and you

I will never be sought out for nor communicated romantically with by him.

I’m so glad I retrieved my clarity, and now I am no longer confused about his perceptions and intentions

I just wish this cycle of misfortune would stop from happening to me.

But I realized I can’t control how my heart felt for a guy in the beginning

Because I feel too much and overthink too

Part of me is so glad that no matter how much I did like him, I could never open my mouth to say it to him

I saved my integrity and from embarrassment by not doing so

God, I wish for just one time for me to crush on a guy, and they actually like me back because now my track record is 0 out of 7 instead of 0 out of 6

I feel this is and will be, unfortunately, repeated misfortune for me, and I don’t know if I can deal with another failure of crushing on the wrong guy……