“The Detour of Pain”

They say that pain demands to be felt. Well pain is only felt when you’re going through turmoil of oblivion. 
The oblivion that this world can possibly perpetually hurt you at any time without you knowing. 
The only sign one can have is to trust their instinct that the environment  their in won’t hurt them.
There are times in my life where I can’t understand why I have to be in pain. 


Why was I the boy who beaten so bad in 2014 that I started to see black and white visions you see when you can’t find a channel on a tv with no signal?
Why was I the boy who who was degraded and bullied for the way he danced , looked, speak, walked, talked, and so much more during elementary school? 
Why was I the boy who couldn’t even walk home from school during my 7th-8th grade year by myself because people would throw stuff at me?
Why was I that boy who endlessly tried to find love,but being constantly be told they wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with me but rather with someone else.?


I realized a lot of the answers to why to these questions but some don’t have a simple answer to unfortunately. 
Pain demands to be felt but it’s how you choose to deal with that pain.
I realized that pain can damage you, but I realized it only made me put a strong defense from those who can possibly hurt me in the future. 
Sometimes this guard can be taken down from the pure scale of the impact on my defense. 

I soon wish one day, I won’t have to put up this guard so much especially to my future love of my life.