“The Race of The Heart”

I always thought to myself why I must shake in fear. The fear of having anything that can have my heartbeat go from 80 to 122 beats per minute. This fear dreads from my perception of what it feels to step inside a place to check my health. Yes, you guessed it correctly I’m talking about the doctor’s office. I instantly feel my heartbeat increase so much that it’s as if my heartbeat through my chest and it’s almost like a hammer beating on a nail sometimes. The fear doesn’t even stop there because my anxiety makes me have multiple fears unfortunately. This fear of rejection is my second greatest fear. The more I get rejected from anything in my life such as jobs or love interests it becomes as if a knife becomes closer and closer to stabbing my chest. Once I get rejected too much it is as if the knife punctures through the skin off my chest and now, I’m bleeding. These fears together make my heart pound so much it’s as if someone is playing drums on it. Now it’s as if my body shuts down and now, I feel stuck. Stuck in a maze that has an endless route. I start to grasp for air and suddenly lose sight of how to even grasp for air correctly. As I struggle to grasp for even a liter of air, the endless puddle of tears comes dripping out my eyes. This fear of rejection and the fear of my health are just two of many triggers that can cause this overwhelming panic attack to occur. It is as if the human body can only emotionally take so much strain in the mind that it goes berserk if too much is put on it. I would love it if my heart wouldn’t run a race so much and so I can feel as if I’m okay. I wish it was that simple, but no it’s not for me. Anxiety plays a trick on my mind to tell my heart there is danger from these triggers and even my stomach and nervous system too. I wish for normalcy with my anxiety and soon hope my heart and my mind can stop running this race to an oblivion track route.